Which Parenting Style is The Best?
Find out why Positive Parenting leads to better long-term outcomes for children.
When it comes to parenting, there's no one-size-fits-all approach. Every child is unique, and so are the challenges that come with raising them. But what if there was one parenting style that stood out among the rest, backed by research and proven to foster better outcomes for children in the long run?
Enter positive parenting—an approach classified by high levels of both control and warmth. It’s a balanced approach that emphasizes understanding and compassion for children’s needs, while also maintaining clear, confident boundaries. This parenting style isn’t about being permissive or overly strict; it’s about fostering a relationship based on trust, respect, and emotional intelligence. I am constantly asked ‘Why do you use that approach?’ and the answer is simply because it works, it allows me to parent with respect and compassion and I would never recommend a family adopt an approach that I didn’t fully commit to in my own family. Of course most parenting professionals would argue that their approach works, so let’s look at what my approach actually involves and some of the science behind it.
What Is Positive Parenting?
Positive parenting is characterised by:
High warmth: Parents show sensitivity, empathy, and care toward their children’s emotional and physical needs. They are attuned to their child's feelings, responding to them with understanding and support.
High control: Parents set clear boundaries and rules that help children understand expectations. However, control is not about holding all the power; it's about guiding children with confidence and consistency while respecting their independence.
In short, positive parenting combines warmth with structure, creating an environment where children feel secure, understood, and capable of learning from their mistakes without fear of punishment or threats.
Research on parenting styles has consistently shown that positive parenting—often referred to as authoritative parenting—yields better long-term outcomes compared to other parenting approaches, especially those that rely on punitive measures like threats or physical punishment. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that children raised by authoritative parents tend to have stronger emotional regulation skills, better self-esteem, and higher levels of empathy. These children are also more likely to demonstrate resilience in the face of stress. This is largely because positive parenting teaches children how to express and manage their emotions in healthy ways, rather than suppressing or disregarding them.
In contrast, children raised with authoritarian parenting (characterised by high control but low warmth) or permissive parenting (characterised by low control but high warmth) were found to struggle with emotional regulation and had lower levels of emotional intelligence. This suggests that balancing both warmth and control—rather than favouring one over the other—is key to helping children thrive emotionally. The different terms of Authoritarian vs Authoritative I find to be confusing, which is why I use the title ‘Positive Parenting’. That and the fact that a lot of the science comes from Positive Psychology!
Parents often ask me whether or not this approach will somehow reward their ‘bad behaviour’ or mean that they don’t learn how to share or take turns because we are honouring their own needs. I understand these concerns, and I want to reassure parents that in fact the opposite is true! When we show compassion, kindness and model supporting our own needs it paves the way for children to develop strong empathy and an internal desire to want to help others. Studies have shown that children who experience positive parenting tend to develop strong social competence. For example a well known and comprehensive study in Child Development (Steinberg, L., Lamborn, S. D., Dornbusch, S. M., & Darling, N. (1992), found that children of authoritative (positive parenting) parents are better at making friends, resolving conflicts, and demonstrating prosocial behaviours like sharing and helping others. The consistent boundaries set by these parents help children learn the importance of respect and cooperation, while the warmth fosters trust and emotional bonds that encourage healthy social interactions.
On the other hand, children raised by parents who use bribes, threats and punishments are more likely to develop aggressive behaviours and may struggle with forming healthy peer relationships. The absence of positive reinforcement and emotional validation can lead to a lack of social skills and an increased risk of behavioural problems. When parents ‘force’ their children to share by external motivators, or regularly teach children to disregard their own needs they aren’t teaching skills the child can use for the future in terms of successfully and independently navigating these situations. these children therefore end up feeling the world is unfair, they lack the ability to prioritise or even acknowledge their needs and they can resent their parents meaning their relationship with them suffers.
There’s also compelling evidence that positive parenting leads to higher academic achievement. Research published in the Journal of Educational Psychology found that children raised with high levels of warmth and structure are more motivated, have better problem-solving skills, and perform better academically. This is because positive parenting fosters an environment that encourages curiosity, independent thinking, and a growth mindset.
When children feel emotionally supported by their parents and understand the importance of working hard to achieve goals, they are more likely to succeed in school and other areas of life. In contrast, children raised with neglectful, permissive or overly punitive parenting styles often struggle with academic motivation and performance, as they lack the emotional foundation needed for learning and growth.
The effects of positive parenting aren’t just evident in childhood—they continue to influence children as they grow into young adults. Research consistently shows that children raised by positive parents are more likely to become well-adjusted, self-reliant, and emotionally intelligent adults.
A study in Developmental Psychology tracked adolescents raised with Positive Parenting and found they were more likely to have better mental health, stronger relationships, and greater life satisfaction as adults. They also had lower levels of substance abuse and were more likely to be employed in fulfilling careers.
In contrast, children raised in environments where punishment, threats, and harsh discipline were common are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties later in life. These children may also have lower self-esteem and struggle with decision-making and impulse control. If your child is a Deep Feeler, it’s even more likely they will experience their negative effects meaning a Positive Parenting Approach can make a huge difference to their overall wellbeing and satisfaction in life.
If you’re still not sold, let me explain to you how Positive parenting works. The foundations of my approach are based on the principles of secure attachment, mutual respect, and emotional intelligence. Children need to feel that their emotions are validated and understood, while also being taught the importance of boundaries, structure, and self-discipline. When parents show both warmth and control, they help children feel safe while also preparing them to navigate the world with confidence and resilience. If parents don’t feel confident in holding boundaries but are using all the right strategies in terms of supporting emotions, their child will most likely continue to push the boundaries and develop a lack of respect for the parent due to them believing the parent can’t keep them safe. Where parents don’t display any compassion or understanding for children but hold firm boundaries, their children will disconnect from them emotionally. Either they get really good at hiding things from their parent, and/or they learn to suppress their own emotions. None of these alternatives result in good long term outcomes.
Often it isn’t because the parents are bad people. It’s because they didn’t have this approach modelled to them, and they don’t know how to implement it! But you have the power to change that and create a more positive future for your family.
It’s clear from the research that positive parenting—marked by high control and high warmth—produces the best long-term outcomes for children. Children raised with this balanced approach are more emotionally resilient, socially competent, academically successful, and well-adjusted as adults. They learn how to express themselves and manage their emotions in healthy ways, while also understanding the value of respect, responsibility, and boundaries.
So, if you're looking for a parenting approach that supports your child’s emotional, social, and cognitive development, positive parenting is the way to go. It's not about being perfect; it’s about showing up with compassion, consistency, and confidence, knowing that your child feels loved, valued, and supported.
