Self Care for New Mums; letting go of Mum guilt and changing your belief of ‘wanting more’ to ‘what you deserve’
We’ve all heard the advice to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others, and had the importance of self care drilled into us so why is it that when we become a Mum our Mindset changes and we believe that in order to be the best Mum we can be we must put our child’s needs first, at the expense of our own?
At what point do we accept that something needs to change? Is it after the first random bursting into tears? The resentment for our partners who’s lives seem unaffected and continue as normal? Or when we shout at our child who is looking innocently at us for support but we’re just too exhausted to give any more? You are not on your own, and you are not a terrible parent. You are tired, empty and overwhelmed. Not because you don’t care but because you love and care so much for your child that you’ve forgotten to take care of yourself.
Imagine if instead we valued replenishing our own energy and took time out for us. To mentally, physically and emotionally repair after giving so much time, kindness and love to those around us. What would our potential be if we were regularly keeping our cups full and charging our batteries? I can assure you that the answer is endless. You are full of endless potential as long as you listen to your needs and ensure they are met. You deserve time to sit and relax. To drink a hot drink. To eat a meal without having to share it or stop after each mouthful to tend to someone else. You deserve to regularly engage in hobbies and do things you enjoy just for you! You deserve to have that bath, go on that run and spend money on yourself and there is no place for guilt here because your child deserves you to be that Mum too!
Your child needs you to show them how to nourish and appreciate yourself so they can learn how valuable they are and how they deserve to be treated. Your child needs you to restock your energy when you’re feeling low so you can have fun, create memories and enjoy your parenting journey.
Next time you put off asking for help, taking time for you or saying yes to others when you really can’t take anything else on, remember that this is saying no to you. No to your child, and no to being the best Mum you can be. Instead feel empowered to prioritise that time to relax and re-energise and know that this is necessary for you and your child to thrive.
But isn’t self care selfish I hear you ask? Well, let’s look at this. Being selfish can be defined as ‘lacking consideration for others’, but by meeting our own needs we are opening ourselves up to fulfil our potential and to give fully to those around us. As a Mum you consider your child’s needs constantly, always adapting to go above and beyond. But if you’re not also considering your own needs you are denying yourself your true potential, and therefore denying your child the best care, love and fun they deserve. So no! Self care is not selfish but rather necessary to being a good parent.
But I don’t have time or lots of money for spa days and breaks away! Self care doesn’t need to cost money or take up lots of time, just 5 or 10 minutes a day, every day, makes a huge difference. Why not try some of these suggestions below and see how you feel afterwards:
Spending time in nature
Reading a chapter of a book
Meditating
Yoga/stretching
Listening to your favourite song
Repeating a positive affirmation
Practicing gratitude
Being creative; crafting, drawing, painting, crocheting etc
Journalling
Spending time with friends/talking to friends on the phone
Drinking enough water
Eating a balanced diet which includes not denying yourself those treats!
Taking a nap
Spending quality time with your partner
Watching a tv show or film you enjoy
Cuddle up to a pet
Learning to shift our mindset around self care is a process that takes time and commitment but will improve your wellbeing and lifestyle forever. One day your child will grow up and they will look back at their childhood and time with you. We all want our children to remember the joy and laughter, the strong connection we have with them and the safety and security they felt being at home. But it’s also important for our children to learn respect. For others but also for themselves; to learn their true worth and value and to know that the minimum they deserve is to have their needs met. Whether they are a parent or not.
Your child will know that you were the best Mum you could possibly be because you looked after yourself and this meant you could be more and do more for them.
Because the best is what you both deserve.
